How to Be a Bad Tourist: A Practical Guide

This very useful article will cover several key areas, providing novice Bad Tourists ample opportunities to bring bad tourist behavior to the next level of mastery. Full Disclosure: Some might find the following information to be slightly offensive. Sorry!? 😊

1. Appearance
2. Language
3. Cellphone
4. Time Management
5. Places to Visit
6. Local Cuisine
7. Local Traditions
8. Air Travel
9. Attitude

1. Appearance

Traveling to another country generally means a long flight. Grab that pair of dirty old sweat pants from the hamper, and wear those. They are much more comfortable, and you won’t wrinkle up your good clothes during flight. Bare feet are also welcome on the plane. You can even put them on the back of the seat in front of you or out in the aisle, if you need to stretch your legs and wiggle your toes. Go ahead and kick off those stinky socks and relax. You paid good money for your plane ticket, so make yourself at home.

No sense in showering before your grueling flight, either. By the time you get to your destination, you’ll need to shower anyway. However, for those bad tourists who consider the journey more of a formal affair, do not forget to spritz your favorite cologne in abundance, before your flight. The other passengers will appreciate your delightful scent throughout the trip.

2. Language

When visiting a foreign country where the language is different from yours, communication with locals can be challenging. Speak as slow and as loud as possible. In English. Most people appreciate your efforts in trying to get them to understand you, and in return, will be more engaging and hospitable.

Also, learning a foreign language is hard, so do not even attempt learning basic phrases like “Hello”, “Good Bye”, “Please”, or “Thank You”. Chances are you will mutilate the language, and it might be considered rude, or insulting. Besides, as every bad tourist knows, English is spoken worldwide.

3. Cellphone

While walking around, taking in the sights, sitting on a tour bus, or standing in the middle of a majestic cathedral — having your cellphone available is crucial. Now that you’re on vacation, you have more free time for those long conference calls with your colleagues back home. This is best done on speaker-phone, leaving your hands free to do other things. And being an “international” call and possible reception issues, you’ll probably need to speak more loudly. After all, you are a busy businessperson, and your fellow tourists and local residents will admire your strong work ethics, and maybe even pick up a pearl of wisdom from your anything but private conversation.

4. Time Management

Make sure to come back to the tour bus after visiting the sites on your own time. You are here to enjoy your holiday (especially after a stressful business call). Everybody else can wait, they are on vacation too, what else do they have to do.

There is no better way to document your trip than taking a lot of photos. People understand that you want the perfect picture …of everything, and don’t mind standing out of view for a moment while you take your shot. And since they’re just standing there anyway, take your time to try different angles, and a few with each person from your party.

5. Places to Visit

Stay on the tourist trail. Stick only to the known routes. Do not go off the beaten track. There is probably nothing else to see or explore.

Ignore the posted signs at tourists’ attractions and landmarks. If you are visiting a local attraction and see a sign that reads “No Photos”, more than likely it is only a suggestion, so snap away. If a sign reads “No Climbing”, it’s for people who are not in the best physical shape. You are. And your Instagram friends will be impressed. If a sign reads “Do Not Touch” – that applies to children only. Since you are an adult, touching artifacts and relics is absolutely permitted. If a sign reads “Do Not Feed Animals”, that refers to inedible objects like water bottles or tissues. If you want to feed that alligator some chips, or a delicious hot dog, go ahead. You are there for the full experience!

6. Local Cuisine

Just avoid it. You never know what’s in it, and experimenting with food in a foreign country can have a variety of unpleasant results. To prevent this, stick to the basics – familiar fast food chains are found in almost every country, and at least you understand what you’re eating.

If you have any leftovers or order take-out, bring it with you on the crowded tour bus, or even the plane. Everyone loves the thick aroma of a greasy burger in confined spaces.

7. Local Traditions

Don’t pay any attention to the traditions and culture of the country or region you are visiting. Being you are not from there, traditions and the culture do not really involve you. You are here to snap pictures, put them on your social media and get back home. Actually, don’t read anything about culture, laws or traditions of your destination ahead of time either. This way the adventures can get even more exciting.

8. Air Travel

A bad tourist knows it’s better to overpack than underpack. Being the savvy traveler that you are, bring as much carry-on as you possibly can. If you are buying last minute souvenirs in duty-free shops, the staff will deliver it aboard for you, so you can utilize all available overhead bin space compartment in the radius of three rows. When the time comes to land, make sure to collect all of your belongings, checking the bins as thoroughly as you can, and the rest of the passengers will understand, they have luggage to retrieve too.

Many international flights offer complimentary alcoholic beverages. Take advantage of this and make sure to get as drunk as possible. Everybody appreciates free entertainment aboard.

9. Attitude

Complain as much as you can. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, right? If you don’t provide constructive criticism to everyone around you, there won’t be any improvements. Make comparisons on how things are done so much better in your country. Complain before, during and after the trip. Especially on the plane ride back to the fellow passengers. They enjoy the lively conversation and will adhere to your advice.

Whether you are traveling abroad or across the state, you are bound to run into a bad tourist. With the successful implementation of the techniques described above, we guarantee you’ll excel at being a bad tourist too and become a talk of the parties for months to come.

Do you have additional suggestions and tips on how to be a bad tourist? Don’t be shy and share in the comments below! And don’t forget to subscribe to our blog!